Before you start assuming I just want to clear something up, you know when you want to do/be/see/become something and quite literally everything is standing in your way? That is genuinely what it feels like right now. I had, what seemed at the time, a huge breakthrough in which I finally found a guarantor... after at least five grey hairs. (Explaining my hair dying venture recently.) But since then it feels like everything has gone wrong, now I've been becoming more panicky and depressed over the troubles of finding a job over the summer and for someone like me, that in itself is enough to make me panic. The whole talking to people I've never met who are in higher position's than me terrify me to the core, I mean talking to someone my own age is enough to set me off. That, plus the fact that when faced with making myself sound better than I actually am, I end up going to the bad sides of my brain that tell me no better and end up becoming silent while yet again I battle my inner demons. Of course there's also the whole being upbeat and happy and enthusiastic bit, which I'll spare you the details of why I'm not suited to that. Money is the route of all evil and I'll tell you now it couldn't be more accurate, not only are many political parties planning on raising tuition fees, but you can't live off air. It's a necessity, if I don't get a job I can't move into the house I need, which will mean I can't carry on at uni because it's too far to commute from London too and costs too damn much, oh and there's a huge part of my life called BOYFRIEND and FRIENDS (actual ones).
That is why I'm really close to giving up because not only is everything against me, I also have a lot of people against me too. So yay for me, I chose one of the worst things to do at the best time to do it. Even though quitting shouldn't be the answer it sure feels like it should be right now.
