'You're Not Alone Anymore'

Recovery from any type of illness is willpower and strength of belief and support from those around you. Take depression, anxiety and paranoia for example what they really are is a state of mind and before you get all huffy saying it’s a chemical illness believe  me I know, I have all three clinically. I’ll tell you now I don’t rely on medicines for them because really all they’ll do make you hooked on something you believe will make you better (when in fairness will only probably make it worse).  What I mean by it being a state of mind is that nine times out of ten people with depression will consciously make the decision to be sad that day which obviously will make them sad that day. I’m not trying to be harsh because I do it, but as of today I’m trying to change my view on the world.

I was given some words of wisdom today from the man I love and he used to be depressed himself, not that you’d think so if you saw him today he is genuinely one of the happiest people you’ll ever meet. He told me that the way he stopped being depressed was that he told himself to be happy, which may sound plainly obvious and some of you will say that ‘it’s not that easy’ when really it is that simple. You have to discard all of the things that make you sad, whether that’s people or blogs on tumblr you follow or even your ex’s teddy they bought you one Valentine’s Day. You have to surround yourself with happy people and people that will love you and support you on your little journey to happiness.

Now I’m not one of these people who will tell you to find who you are, accept who you are or even accept what you think you look like, if I did I’d be a huge hypocrite. What I am telling you to do  is to listen to the people you trust when they compliment you and if you love someone try and believe them if they tell you that you’re beautiful (I’m still working on that one and the guy I love hates me a little for it, he sat and sung Just the Way You Are to me and I literally broke down). I’m not saying it’ll be easy to do, even just looking at myself in the mirror and trying not to pick out all the little things wrong with is a start.

Right now, I’m starting to believe I am beautiful to the guy I’m with I see it in the way he looks at me and the way he smiles at some of the really stupid things I do, but also in the way that he automatically loved me for me and didn’t care about my scars or my illnesses or my wiggly thighs. The most amazing part of our little thing is that he automatically cared about me and wanted to help me get over my problems, he told me that I should listen to the song You’re Not Alone by the band Of Mice and Men purely for the line ‘You’re not alone, you’re with me’.

Now I can safely say that I’m not alone anymore because I have him and I am with him, and he’s one of the reasons I want to get over my problems.

<3

'Keeping Lust Under Wraps'

Well I think most of us know about lust and keeping it under wraps most of the time, but here at uni things are a lot different. People don’t really seem to care about keeping the noise down, or showing the love bites and nibble marks strewed across their necks and most of all they really don’t care about making a scene. ­­­­­I think that’s why people love being here, it’s because there isn’t really a single fuck given when it comes to the passion shared (normally) between the sheets.

Now when I first arrived here I knew that things were going to be different;

1.      Because we are all of roughly the same age range

2.      Because we are all living or having time away from home.

Let me explain myself before you jump to conclusions, because of the ages we are 18 to 30s (I think) there’s bound to be some lustful people, guys and their hormones and to be fair us women with our hormones too. In reality there’s no way that women can resist it, they can lie all they want but girls want it as much as the next guy.

And the fact that we’re without supervision gives us the opportunity, if there wasn’t one before moving here, to seize a playmate and live out wild fantasies. Take me for example, since moving away I managed to wriggle free from the emotional blackmailing ties of a guy I’d been with for a while and I’ve also found frankly my ideal partner in many more ways than just one. 

'The One Person Who's Always There?'

Have you ever sat down and actually realised that someone you've found is genuinely amazing? Or even out of your league because of how caring and extraordinary they are? If you haven't experienced that yet, well, you're bound to.Take me for example, I never thought that I'd ever have a fleeting chance with this one guy, but now we're joined at the hip.

Let me take you back, it was the first actual day here at university and being the twat I am, I was working myself up. Not only that I hadn't eaten because I was scared, so by the time I'd left my house and had actually gotten to the meeting point, I was on the verge of a panic attack. Now I don't know if other people do this but when I first arrive in a group I like to look around and see who's kind of like me. In this situation it was called for because I was going to be spending the next three years with this little group of oddballs like myself, all with a common interest. But whilst scanning our gathering, one person stood out, not in a bad way more in the way that I thought he was frankly one of the cutest guys I had ever seen, but I digress. Being the ever Awkward Turtling human, I couldn't even smile let alone talk to him because not only am I socially stumped but there was a panic attack looming.

By the end of our compulsory activities I had somehow managed to grow the balls to talk to him and the fateful first contact I made with this majestic creature was 'hi'. Yes, the twat has entered the building, don't judge because by the end of the day we had somehow managed to become friends.
I'm telling you now that we came to realise we were and are the same person amazingly quickly. We share the same height, shoe size, clothe size, music taste, sense of humour and everything else you can think of, the only difference's are the obvious ones. 

Only a week or so after we had met we shared our first butterfly filled stomach, hearts racing, mind pacing moment. That first time we kissed I swear it was as if the rest of the world and everything else that once mattered dimmed and only we were in focus. I'm sure that within the moment I came to realise I only want to feel his lips upon mine for the rest of time. You may say it's 'cheesy or cliche' but that's genuinely how I felt and a little bit of cheese in your life is good.

Over these last six weeks we've grown to be practically inseparable, we've come to realise that we truly are the same person only he's almost happy whereas I'm not but I'm working on it. I don't think there has ever been anyone that has cared,or what I should say say, is cared so little about my imperfections and flaws. That's why he's so out of my league, the fact that he cares about me so much and isn't put off because of all the stupid things that are wrong with me. He is quite frankly my impersination of perfection and he's mine. I'll never willingly let him walk out of my life because I really love him with all my heart. I don't care how that makes me sound either.

'When I saw You I Fell in Love and You Smiled Because You Knew'
<3

Introductions are always good right?

Hi there stranger! 

If you're reading this I want to thank you first off for actually taking the time to actually read what I write. These little ramblings I write are things that have importance to me or they could simply be little wastes of time I've felt compelled to tell. 

I also want to clarify that writing is just a hobby for me it's not actually something I study or really want to do as a career, it's just a way for me to pass the lonely hours of the morning. I actually study Computer Games Art which is a far cry from writing if we're being honest here. 

Although writing is kinda needed in everyday life we rely on it more than most things, we need it to gain and loose things and create things. It's a trivial thing that most of us forget about but it's always there even if you don't know it is.

Rose x