Recovery

           There comes times when you are in the process of recovering from something where you can’t focus on anything and you pretty much loose all faith, I’m at that stage now. I can feel my depression overwhelming me once again and for yet another time in my life it feels like it could possibly get back to ‘that’ stage. But I can’t lose hope, for not only me but for the one I love, I’m living for us because I want to see the world that we will create together and even though that sounds tremendously cheesy it’s unbelievably true.

            Now when you have depression you learn to be amazing at putting up facades, I feel like I’m a pro because still nobody has picked up on me. But here’s the thing, I am not nor do I want to be proud of that, other people may be but I can’t think of a worse way to disappoint people and this is why I need to be even more open than I am now because I think that could possibly be one of the reasons why I’m feeling so crap at the moment. If you ever feel like this I urge you to talk to someone close about it because bottling it up is one of the worse things you can do, trust me there’s a reason I used to wear bracelets and now have tattoos.

        On the brighter side, this is the first time I’ve felt like this since the end of last year, which makes it a whole month and two days since I last felt like this and that is one thing that I will let myself be proud of. From here on in I vow to not let things get to this level for me to speak out about it, and I really hope that you can use my waffling to help you in your own processes too. Whether you’re recovering from something or even just trying to help yourself be less of a pessimist, it’s always good to start off somewhere small.